"When the end comes rushing up at you
and everything that you thought was real starts to fall away
you consider the meaning of the life that you lived and you realize
that the only thing that means a damn thing at the end is what you loved.
And you think of who you love and you let it take you home." -Being Human
It's an odd thing to hear and even odder the timing of it. But it made me take a long pause and look back at my life. Even through all the hardships, trials, and pains, I have had a lot of love in my life, giving and receiving. I wear my heart on my sleeve and like many others that do the same we get hurt easy. It's easy to turn that love into hate if the time comes. But I have never looked at it from the perspective of my final moments in this world. Without that perspective all I can see is anger and hate and my soul becomes restless. I fight a losing battle. But now I see that I was a blessing to someone in a moment of time of need in their life. It could have been a phone call so they could hear a soothing reassuring voice when no one else in their life would listen. It could be an ex that would not have made it through life without me. I now count myself pretty lucky to have all the experiences that I have had. I cherish being that hand that reached out to them when no one else would. Being that warmth and light for them. That is what is important to me, helping others, being a guide, or whatever else they need me to be. I have always done that and I loved being that for them. Somehow these lines from a tv show has made me think deep, and for once in my life, I am at peace inside. True peace, not something that I needed someone else to give me, I found it inside me, it was there the whole time. I was never afraid of death but I knew when I died I would still have a rage in me that was never quelled. If tonight is my last night on earth I would not find a trace of that rage. I would go on in such beautiful peace. I think tonight I will get the best sleep I have had in years...